Confession… I need church!

The entire purpose of this blog is to be REAL and HONEST so that is what this post is all about. I am writing this because I have been in such a crummy mood all day long and I know why.. We had stake conference today and we didn't go.. I have no good excuse to offer, we just didn't go..
I was born and raised A member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or as most people know us, Mormon. We went to church every Sunday for 3 hours. My parents made sure the Gospel was always a big part of our lives and we were raised with strong values and high morals. Although, I never liked waking up at 8am every Sunday to get ready for church and I was usually always in a bad mood before.. (literally every single Sunday was awful for my family because I was always so grumpy)  once I was there, I loved it! I grew up in the same ward from the time I was 7 up until I was 18. I had many friends from church and I pretty much knew every family in my ward. When I married Jared we went to his family ward that he had gone to since he was a baby. I absolutely LOVED that ward. Many people became family and we developed some lasting friendships that we will cherish forever. When Jared got a job in Arizona one if my biggest fears was going to a completely new ward where we didn't know anyone. I remember my first time visiting Maricopa 4th Ward, we had a lot of people come up and introduce themselves, and it was in that moment that I realized how shy I actually was. I wouldn't talk to anyone unless they talked to me first and the conversations were always a bit awkward. I never felt that connection that we had from our previous wards. Pretty soon after moving to Arizona, Jared had to work Sundays, which meant I had to go to church by myself with my two boys.. Reef was 2 and Hawk was about 6 months old. I started waking up grumpy every Sunday again and I literally made every excuse I had to not go. I can honestly say for the first year and a half we lived here I went to our home ward about 6 times. For the first year they had me introduce myself in Relief Society every time I was there. There were several times I would wake up determined to go, I would get the boys ready, get to church and they would be EXTREMELY naughty, which led me giving up and going home in the middle of Sacrament. I started noticing a change in our home and in our family dynamic. We became "that family" that would get little notes on our door and the missionaries/ members coming by to see how we were doing, we were "less active".. It feels so weird to even type that.. I never in a million years would think that we would have that problem, but it is the truth… I started going down to San Diego a lot after that and would attend church every single time I was there. I started to miss Sacrament and especially Relief Society and I felt horrible for my kids because I knew they were missing out on so much. Jared and I realized that we needed to get our priorities straight. We knew what was really important and what we wanted for our family, so things definitely had to change. I started taking the boys by myself since Jared still worked Sundays. It started to get a little easier as time went on. My boys started to learn how they are supposed to act in church and knew my expectations. A few months after our conversation, my husband was offered a position at work that would allow him to have most of Sunday off (He didn't have to go in until 9pm). It truly was an answer to my prayers. That first Sunday that Jared had off, we both couldn't go to sleep for some strange reason. We didn't end up go to bed until about 2 and had to be up at 7:30 to get ready for church. When I heard that alarm go off I was so tempted to hit the snooze button, BUT I didn't. We all woke up, got ready, and went to church. My boys were so good and they were both excited to go to primary and nursery. Later that night, my husband left for work  and I got a text from him saying, "Thank you for making sure we went to church today, it felt good to be where we were supposed to be. I love you." I always knew, but it was so much more apparent in that moment, that we could not make any more excuses and that we had made the right decision. We NEED church, we NEED the gospel in our lives, we NEED the Holy Ghost as our constant companion. I am so incredibly grateful to my parents for raising me in the gospel. I am grateful for the peace and calmness I feel at church. I am grateful for my Savior's atoning sacrifice and his unconditional love, I know that it is through him that I have the opportunity to be with my family forever. In October we had General Conference and one of my favorite talks was President Uchtdorf's. It is never too late to come back. Our Father in Heaven loves us and wants us to find peace and joy in our lives, and I can say without a shadow of doubt that it can be found through the gospel of Jesus Christ. I hope that maybe there is someone who needed to read something like this and that they find some strength and comfort in knowing they are not alone..

Confession... I hate working out… and I can't jump!

I absolutely HATE working out! It is painful and exhausting and I usually never see the results that I would like. It is really just awful! I always find great workout regimens on Pinterest or find workout DVD's at Walmart and swear that I will use them, but I never do..

This e- card is so perfect for me.

So, before I got pregnant with our baby girl, I thought I would give it a try, a real wholehearted attempt. I started eating better, running and doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred (I really really dislike her for that DVD, by the way) And I can honestly say I was in the best shape I have been in since having kids. I was seeing results that I was actually really proud of. My BMI was going down (I am way too embarrassed to share that number..) and I was losing weight. I could actually run a mile without passing out, I could get through a session of 30 Day Shred without stopping, and I was actually able to jump higher than a few inches off the ground.. No, that is not an exaggeration. Sad, I know.. About 3 weeks into my workout routine I went down to San Diego. I was really excited to see if anyone could tell that I had been exercising, but even more excited to show my family how high I could jump after strengthening my leg muscles.

Insert weird family quirks here 

My family likes to have jumping competitions. My sisters were both cheerleaders and can do toe touches like its no big deal, my brother is a wanna be lyrical dancer and tries to do some crazy dance moves that involve jumping really high and my brother in law Lex uses his "jumping skills" as a weapon. These competitions usually end in me crying because Lex always likes to use his "jumping weapon skills" on me…

So, with all of that said, I'm going to share this very shameful embarrassing video that was taken while I was down in San Diego to show you just how high I could jump while in the best shape of my life…

Isn't that sad? After watching the video back I see just how bad I am at jumping and maybe I should just give up on that skill. As far as my working out goes, it is basically nonexistent, other than walking Reef to and from school. I will just have to give the whole "get in shape" thing another try after we have baby girl! ;)

Our week in a nutshell!

We have had a pretty busy week since last Friday. Lucky for all of you, we were able to capture some of the CRAZINESS!

While making this...

(I just have to add that I have the greatest husband ever.. He cut out every single attachment and made the ladders for me and Kimmie)

Our son Reef thought it would be a good idea to put the screws like this...

Luckily, Jared noticed the screws there while backing in. He is convinced that Reef purposely tried to pop his tires... I asked Reef why he would do that and his response was, "It was hard to make a circle so I made a line." Well, ok then, that makes complete sense. hahah

Later on that day we had a ward Halloween party to attend. They had a game that had donuts hanging from a string and whoever could eat the donut the fastest without using their hands won. Here are my sons attempts..

 Reef tried so hard to get the donut without his hands...

Hawk could care less about the game, he just wanted the donut!

My Husband went and bought these for our boys..

(Can you say death trap... for me!?)

Not pictured is me and my Mother in Law sitting on the grass almost getting ran over by Hawk which resulted in both of us peeing our pants. Yes, it really happened.. 

My Reefy boy was STAR of the week at his school!

 I asked Reef the questions and my husband got creative with the answers. This one is by far my favorite.. 

Is he not the cutest border Patrol Agent you have ever seen?!

And... So it begins! How does this even happen?? Oh, the things we go through to have our babies!

We had such a great time with my Mother in Law. We went up to Mother Nature's Pumpkin Patch and the boys absolutely loved it!

 Please excuse the fact that half of us are not looking (my boys), this was the fifth picture taken and they still could not look at the camera...

And last but, not least...

I just had to add this one. If you have spent an hour with my Hawkie boy, then you know just how appropriate this picture is with him standing next to that sign.. 

I hope all of you had a wonderful week! Even with all the "uh oh's" and the craziness we still had a blast!

Giveaway??

A few days ago, I get this picture and text from my sister...

Now let me tell you the story behind this message...

I was talking with Erika the other day and my blog came up. I told her I always notice other bloggers having these giveaways and I always wonder how the heck they find such cool things to offer their followers. They will offer some type of bag or shoe or scarf and all the potential winner has to do is "like" the product's facebook page and start following their blog. Who in their right mind wouldn't do those two simple things to get something for FREE?! I know I would do! So, I thought it would be funny to prank the people that read my blog (dangit, I told 1 person out of the 5 people that actually read my blog.. hahaha) into thinking I actually had something worthwhile to giveaway. I would make my post title "GIVEAWAY" which would hopefully spark everyone's interest.  In actuality, it was going to be a giveaway for one of children (obviously not for reals ;)), which more than likely was Hawk, because he had probably done something very naughty that day. Well, I never actually followed through. So when I got her message I literally laughed out loud. I can't lie, it made me so happy/ relieved to know I am not the only one that has those days with my kids! My sisters can always find a way to make to laugh or smile. I am so grateful for that! 

Confession: Sometimes I feel like JUST a stay at home Mom!

After moving to Arizona, I had a hard time making friends. I learned something about myself that I had never realized before... I am extremely shy. If it weren't for my husband having friends through work I probably wouldn't have had any friends at all. I went from spending all my time with my sisters and close friends who all had kids, to friends who were newly married and weren't even thinking about children yet. It was a little lot difficult to adjust to. I always felt like a burden if we went and did something and my kids had to tag along, so I usually just wouldn't go anywhere. I would often get asked, "Oh you stay home all day long? Don't you get so bored? I could never be a stay at home mom! I would lose my mind!" It made me start thinking that maybe I was JUST a stay at home Mom, that maybe I needed more in my life. It became a very lonely time for me. I had my husband (thank goodness) to spend time with, but it was really just a couple hours out of the day and he only had 2 days off out of the week. I had to learn to rely on him more, but the person I learned to rely on the most was myself. I had to be there for my kids ALL the time. (I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Uugghh, isn't that normal?" but it wasn't for me. In San Diego I was surrounded by loved ones and an amazing support system, who would drop anything to come help us.) I didn't have help, I didn't have family right down the street, I didn't have those close friends that I could call at any moment. It was me, my boys, and my husband. I had to become a cook (my poor husband had to endure through some pretty awful meals during that time, Sorry babe!) a maid, a nurse, an accountant (horrible idea, "opps, our water is shut off? I guess I forgot to pay it..") and a counselor (the list goes on) over night. There were often times when I felt inadequate. I felt like maybe my Heavenly Father had way too much trust in me to care for these little spirits. I started to feel like my life was straight from the movie Groundhog Day. I would wake up, feed the boys breakfast, clean, fold some clothes, take a shower, get myself (who am I kidding, I lived in pajamas..) and the kids dressed, clean, play some type of game with them or read them books, clean, feed them lunch, put Hawk down for a nap, start preparing dinner, eat, clean, get the kids ready for bed, go to sleep. That was literally my routine every SINGLE day.

This picture makes me laugh so I had to share.. Does anyone else ever feel like this??

I was starting to miss my working days and I was missing my family more and more each day. Then one day, it hit me.. I am sooo incredibly blessed with the opportunity to stay home with my kids. I know so many Mom's who have to work and put their kids in daycare so that they can help their husbands provide for their family. I was JUST a stay at home Mom, but it was what I had always wanted to be. I love my boys, I love waking up and making them breakfast. I love picking out their clothes for the day. I love making my husband dinner and sitting around the table talking about our day. I love laying down with my boys and reading them books before bed. Don't get me wrong, I still HATE laundry, there are still some days where I wish I had a job, an escape for just a few hours. I still have my "lonely" days. I still have my, "I don't know how I haven't gone completely grey or pulled all the hair out of my head" days. And BEWARE!! If you come over during the day without notice, you are more than likely to find me in my PJ's without makeup on and my hair a wild mess, but when it comes down to it, I have truly come to LOVE being a stay at home Mom. I am so extremely grateful that my husband has a stable (when the Government isn't shut down ;)) job, that he provides for our family so that I can stay home and raise my kids.

With all of that said, I have to share a blog post that I read last week.. Matt Walsh's Blog. I don't know the guy, I have never met him, but I seriously LOVE this man. I know he didn't write this blog post specifically for me, but it came at a time when I needed it most! So, Thank you Matt Walsh! I think you have won the hearts of all the stay home mom's across the world!

Hot Sauce anyone??

My close friends and family (especially my husband) always tell me I make "baseless threats" when it comes to disciplining my children.. what can I say?? I am a just a really really big pushover. I'll give an example... My kids don't really have bedtimes, they lay down in my room and fall asleep when I go to bed. Well, there are some nights that I am extremely tired and they are extremely hyper. I will say over and over, "Ok.. who wants to go in their room and sleep by themselves?" They will immediately lay down for about 2 minutes and start right back up. This will go on and on about 5 times before they finally go to sleep.. in my room. :) I am totally that mom that will say, "What you did was very naughty and so now you don't get ice cream!" My child starts crying and I feel bad and say something like, "ok, you can have ice cream, just not right now.." Pathetic I know!! There is only one circumstance that I can't allow empty threats and that is when it involves my children harming others. When Hawk was about 1 he started biting.. EVERYTHING! You literally had to watch your toes if they were anywhere close to his mouth because he would sneak attack you! I tried everything from timeout, to a slap on the hand, to a spank and nothing seemed to work. My friend had mentioned that she would dip her finger in hot sauce and put it on her child's tongue if he bit someone. I figured it was worth a try because I was desperate at that point. The next time Hawk bit another child I did it and it actually worked. It was the ONLY thing that worked. He learned very quickly that biting was not ok. I never had to give it to him after that, but apparently he wanted to be sure that it would never happen because the other day I found this.. 

Our entire bottle (it was full) of Tapatio dumped down the drain! 

That had to have taken some major time and effort because that stuff doesn't just pour out. I brought the bottle out to him and said, "Hawk, did you dump the hot sauce into the sink?" His response, "No Mommy, Reef! (while pointing his little finger at his brother)" I said, "Hawky, lying is not ok! You need to tell Mommy the truth, did you dump the hot sauce down the sink??" He said, "YEP!" and started laughing hysterically. How do you get angry at something like that? He is just too funny! 

Great Expectations

I just got back from being in San Diego for 2 weeks for my Grandpa's funeral. It was an absolutely beautiful service and I know we were all overwhelmed with the love and support shown by his ward family and friends. Thank you to everyone who came! We love and appreciate all of you!

While I was down there I stayed at my sister Erika's house. She recently came up with an expectations chart for each of her girls and at the end of each week she adds up the stars that they earned and they get to pick prizes out of her "treasure bucket." I thought it would be a good idea to try it out with my boys while I was staying down there.

 (N.N. stands for Naughty Natasha, anyone who watches Sesame Street will get that one..)

I am actually pretty proud of my boys for earning all those stars. For some reason when we come down to San Diego without Daddy, it's as if all hell breaks loose. They tend to not listen.. to anyone. Reef tends to forget his manners and Hawk becomes extremely.. Hawkish. (You have to know him to even begin to understand what that means..) It got to the point where they were excited to see what stars they got for that day and I was able to use "you aren't going to get a star for today if you don't pick up those toys..."At the end of the week they loved the idea of getting to pick different prizes from the bucket! The smaller items were worth 5 stars and the bigger ones were worth 20.

I decided to use tickets so that it would help them understand exactly what they could get. 

One thing I learned throughout this whole process was l have to have different levels of expectations for each of my boys. Hawk did so well with some things that Reef may not do so well with and vise versa.
Now with all that said.. I have to ask, does anyone have as big of a problem taking pictures of their 2 year old as I do?? Here are just a few of the outtakes of Hawk...

He sure is my busy boy!! BUT I wouldn't have it any other way... well maybe some days! ;)

"I'm sorry we don't accept Costco cards here.."

Today, my sister and I ran some errands with all 7 of our kids. We were smart this time (or so we thought), we each took turns going into the store instead of bringing all the kids in with us. I should mention, we both hadn't eaten breakfast and were starving which never helps the matter. I went first and then Erika. I'm not sure how her experience was in the car with all the kids, but mine was pretty close to insanity. Almost all the kids got out of their seats and came up to be right by me. The younger kids who were in 5 point harness car seats, that weren't able to get out on their own, were hysterically crying, while the big kids were asking me questions all at the same time. I think I said, "Oh better hurry and buckle up, Auntie/ mom is coming." at least 5 times in hopes of tricking them back into their seats. When Erika came back we decided it would be easier to just grab some Wendy's instead of coming home and making lunch for everyone...
That is where this little ecard comes in...

With that being said, I feel I am completely justified in sharing the next part of my story...

 When Erika pulled up the the menu to order, we had kids yelling what they wanted, screaming because they were starving just like us, and Hawk making bird noises because that is just what he does. To make matters even worse.. for some strange reason, we had High School Musical soundtrack playing in the background. When we finally manage to tell the guy what we want and start to pull up to the window, I grab my card out of my wallet and hand it to Erika to give to the young man. We both notice it is taking quite a while to get my card back and then the sweet young man at the window politely says, "Umm.. we don't accept costco cards here..." and hands back my card.. I tried to pay with my costco card... yep, you read that right.. a COSTCO card... I was so embarrassed, but couldn't help laughing out loud. I decided I needed a picture to document my "air head" moment. 

Confession.. My kids aren't perfect, but I still love them!

Remember the "oh no I hope they don't realize that is my kid!" part of my post on Tuesday? Yeah, today was one of those moments. Please, someone, tell me I am not the only one who has these moments?! My morning went a little something like this...

Do you blame my husband for wanting to work later?? 

Please take me with you to work next time! ;)

So here is the story behind the "yellow"...

When I went to go pick Reef up from school I noticed he had a very sad look on his face. His teacher brought him over to me and I was anticipating the "Your son keeps punching kids and can no longer attend this preschool, I'm sorry!" talk. Luckily, for him, that wasn't exactly how it went.  She felt horrible for giving him a yellow, she said that he was very upset and didn't want one, (well, duh! Who wants a yellow??) but she needed to make him realize it's not ok to walk around the house when he should be doing school work. (let me just add, I completely agree with her!!) Now, you see the part about "major crying and tears..." well, most of those were mine! It took everything in me not to cry right there in front of his teacher.. The whole time she is talking, I am thinking, "I have THAT kid??!" So, when I got home I broke down and sobbed... like a little baby.. I decided to blame it all on my hormones! I'm pregnant and very emotional, it's not because I have "that kid" right?? He is always such a sweet, loving, well behaved child. What the heck is going on?? I sat him down and had a talk with him. He just can't understand why he can't play with all the toys in the other room. His old preschool teacher let them play and preschool was fun! I tried to explain that this is a different preschool with a different teacher and she has different rules. I told him I expect more out of him and that he needs to be the good boy that I know he is. I think he got it...

I have to share this cute little story really fast. My friend Shannon asked Reef how school was.. He looked up at her and said in a very serious voice, "Not good." And just walked away. Apparently he didn't want to elaborate on the subject! :)

Now for the "Hawk mixed the greek yogurt with butter using about 4 different spoons and spatulas." text... well that is a whole other subject! The only thing I will say about that is, I wish I would have gotten some pictures to share. When I told my sister about the whole mess, she told me that by the time you grab your phone and take a picture you are a lot less angry about the whole situation... hhmm... I'll have to try that one next time! 

Grandpa

I wasn't planning on writing another blog post so soon, but just a few hours after I created this blog I received news that my Grandpa had passed away. It still doesn't seem real. I keep thinking I will go down to San Diego and find him sitting in his chair watching TV. Living away from family is EXTREMELY difficult, especially at times like this. It makes it harder to grieve and find some closure. My entire childhood was full of wonderful memories of family gatherings at my Grandparent's house. We would literally get together for anything and everything. As many memories as I have at their house, I don't have many specifically with them. When my Grandma passed away 5 weeks ago, my cousin was in charge of getting memories together to share at her funeral. All of my cousins had amazing stories to share that directly involved my Grandma. Mine was more about playing with my cousins at her house because that is really all I could remember. It wasn't their fault, they gave all of us the opportunity to get to know them and spend quality time, it was mine because I didn't take it. It wasn't until I was married and had Reef and Hawk that I stopped taking my grandparents for granted. I truly wanted to build my own relationship with them. We would call each other , send letters and visit every chance we got when I was down in San Diego. They truly were some of my best friends. I got to learn how compassionate and loving they both are. They would do just about anything for anyone. I am extremely grateful that I was able to really get to know them, to really get to love them. I will miss them both deeply. Just last week my Dad was visiting with my Grandpa and he told my Dad that he was lonely. I truly believe he died of a broken heart. He spent the last 25 or so years taking care of my Grandma, being at her beck and call, serving her with all he had. I think when my Grandma passed Heavenly Father knew that my Grandpa's time was short as well and that he had served and loved with all of his might, mind and strength.

My brother sent us all this picture that was drawn my cousin Jessica after my Grandma passed away. It was sitting on the table next to where he was found. I don't know if it had been there the whole time or if he was looking at it, but I like to think he was at peace when he passed away. He is now with the absolute love is his life and his daughter.

I love you Grandpa! I look forward to the day that I get to be reunited with you and Grandma. Thank you for showing me what unconditional love is, for showing me how to serve others and for being a valiant servant of our Heavenly Father! I will miss you!

My very first confession!

So I am totally and completely one of those women that "blog stalks" people I don't even know. I love to get a little glimpse into other peoples' lives and see how they live day to day... Unfortunately, I am also one of those people that asks, "Why don't I do that? Wow, she is a way better Mom than me! It's like her everyday life is a real life pinterest. She seriously has time to do ALL of that?" I see blogs about Moms and their kids who dress cuter than I ever could. Moms who dress so cute, they want to show off their outfits so they will post a selfie at least once a blog post. Moms who rant and rave about how perfect their child's first day of school was.. Already the favorite in the class! and Moms who, without a recipe, can create dishes that could be served in a top dollar restaurant. I am sooo not that Mom!! I am the mom who is lucky if she gets out of her PJ's or puts a bra on.

Exchange the word Sunday for Everyday!

I am the Mom who, if I posted a selfie of my day to day look, would have to hide under the bed due to embarrassment! I am the Mom who picked her son up from preschool his very first day only to find out her got a "yellow" for punching another child who tattled on him! 

Not one of his best days! 

I am the Mom who, for example, has made teriyaki (sauce from scratch) chicken with salt instead of sugar.. You can imagine the look on my husband's poor face when he took a bite of that!  Life of a housewife who has 2 kids, one on the way, and one car shared with a husband who works 10 hours a day is NOT easy! It is painfully difficult sometimes and extremely rewarding most! I have come to realize I am probably, NO, I am definitely not the only woman who feels this way. That is why I have decided to blog about my REAL life. Not just the happy, incredible "yeah, my family rocks!" times, but the sad, embarrassing, "oh no I hope they don't realize that is my kid!" times. I hope you can all find the humor and truthfulness of this blog to be refreshing. All I really want out of this is for another Mom to come across this blog and see she is not alone! Enjoy!